Monday, November 26, 2012

Poem: 1999

Reflection in a Glass of Wine
at the End of Another Day

I haven’t counted—
I never count—but he arrived
in the kitchen for supper
seven times today
between 1:30 and 4:15. 
I gave him notes
(supper at six o’clock…
shower at 5:30),
but they went the way of all notes,
to be tacked to the wall
of his barn office, or his door,
his desk, blending with notes
from April, from January,
from last year and the year
before that, notes instructing him
to feed the dogs, to refrain
from feeding the dogs,
to put out his garbage, notes
reminding him of my phone numbers,
how much oats each horse should get,
how many cats he is feeding,
notes giving him the dogs’ names,
the horses’ names,
my name.


Helen said...

Oh, these recent posts are heart-wrenching. You are the poster woman for resilience.

crystal said...

Hi Susan,

Sad. I can only imagine how hard it is to dwell on those times when Joe was struggling.

I hope you're feeling better physically and that the acupuncture is helping.

Susan said...

Thanks, friends. Helen, because I've been posting this sort of thing recently, and because I still miss Jill acutely after 11 years, and because I still need the occasional "good cry," I wonder just how resilient I really am.

Crystal, I'll have to email you about the acupuncture. My experience gets mixed reviews, but that's not a reflection on acupuncture itself.

Indigo Bunting said...

Wow. This is amazing, beautiful, rips out my heart. xxxooo.

Helen said...

Oh, I think if you weren't resilient you would have collapsed under the weight of all that grief ages ago. I don't know, but I can't imagine one ever gets over these kinds of things, so continuing to miss someone acutely and needing the occasional good cry sounds very normal to me.

Susan said...

Thank you, Helen. I've taken that to heart.

Eulalia Benejam Cobb said...

Beautiful writing, and sad. Thanks for letting us read it.

Susan said...

Thank you, Lali.