One day a couple of years ago I called the veterinarian's office:
Hello, I’m calling to inquire about cremation options . . .
Aha! Amazingly, you’ve got the right person. I do the cremations. I don’t usually answer the phone, but the girls aren't at the desk (where do you suppose they could be? it's not lunch time) and I was standing nearby, filling out some forms, so here I am.
Oh. Well, perhaps you can give me some information. I have two elderly dogs . . .
You know, I have two Afghan hounds, Liberace and Barbra. They were from the same litter, and they are both 12 years old. But one of them acts much younger than the other. It's really amazing to watch. Like the other day Liberace . . .
Right. My dogs are 13 and 15, and I was wondering . . .
I’m sure if you’re calling about two dogs you love, you’ll want their ashes back.
Well, yes, that’s what I was . . .
Then you won’t want the Group Cremation. That’s with . . . a group. I offer what I call a Semi-Private cremation, with one dog at the back of the chamber and one in front. It’s not guaranteed to be “pure,” if you know what I mean. Depends a lot on the size of the dog. How much do your dogs weigh?
Um . . . they’re fairly large—about 65 to 70 pounds.
Hmmm…….yes, I think you’ll want to go with the Private Cremation. For that, we charge $195 . . . no, $160 . . . no, $140.
Okay. Well, thank you very much. I’ll be . . .
I also want to offer you something else. I don't offer this to just anyone, mostly because most people don’t want it, but you have a nice voice and maybe you will. If you like, I’ll be glad to show you the equipment and the process, start to finish. How does that sound?
No!! I mean, no, thanks. Add me to the list of people who turn down your offer, but thanks anyway.
Well, I’m in this business because I feel I’m doing something for the pets. I wouldn’t stay in this job if I felt otherwise. I’m sensitive to it, you know what I mean? I want you to know you’re doing the right thing for your dogs. I don’t know if you have any loved ones who have been cremated . . .
Um . . . yes?
Well, I’ve seen crematoriums for humans that aren’t up to my standards.
I heard that a local funeral home is going to be offering pet cremation. I was going to call them about offering my services, but I don’t know if they even have an oven yet . . .
I really have to go. Thanks so much for the information.
Alrighty then. I hope we don’t see you any time soon! (chuckle, chuckle)